There is a good strong argument for not using technology or screen-time with toddlers and young children. There is a good pool of resources to facilitate the goal. What happens though when you are screen-free with your family?
There are challenges in life with a well-established screen-free routine.
There are a few things affecting me as an adult.
One thing that I find is that stating we are screen-free is in itself offending other parents. Some feel I expect them to go out of their way when we are together, some others feel judged or judge themselves coming across our philosophy. I’d love to say this: Please know, fellow mums, this is not aimed at you! I can understand, how one craves some quiet time, I do understand how hard it is to sop once technology entered one’s life and I am absolutely prepared to look after my own children when you feel technology is needed. It is OK that you use technology.
I may also mention here on the side-line that people who are extremely uncomfortable with the thought of managing a screen-free family are judgemental in turn and you can hear and read in very detrimental terms about thinking about, aiming to, trying or managing to run a technology-free house.
Another thing that I just have to succumb to is that our things wear off more easily. My make-up will be found, the sofa will be jumped on, the mat will be walked on with shoes, the curtains will be pulled on, the books will be torn and I myself am going to be found, jumped on, walked on with shoes, pulled on and torn myself. It is more expensive to live when the kids actively play.
I also find that a technology-absorbed behavioral pattern is becoming normal. With digital sedation, there’s less unruly behavior, loud noises, games played, questions, wildly running kids or even interrupted conversation. The results of this affect both parents and children.
Firstly, I had to make a conscious decision to stop being embarrassed or ashamed of my – otherwise very well behaved – screen-free children when they find games to play creatively in a low-input environment.
Secondly, I also had to consciously approve of myself putting a halt to any adult conversation when the children need my attention. While mums have the sixth sense about the whereabouts of their children during whatever activity, it is less needed when children are reliably on the sofa engaged in technology. I find that adults sometimes feel unsettled with the lack of attention from my part, where I feel that this universal need of keeping an eye on the kids is fading out from normal parental behavioral pattern.
Thirdly, decisions about our activities are perceived as queer or even too risky whereas it is normal in a screen-free environment. Yes, the kids may play alone in the garden. Yes, I’ll carry a box of toys and books and lunchboxes in the car as a given. Yes, my kids will be dirty and their clothes worn even after half an hour. Yes, I’ll let my kids climb on stuff, jump off stuff, dig in stuff, collect stuff they find. I am not going to call them away as long as they are doing no harm. If I did, I’d have to offer activities that keeps them “put”, and very little can do that over an extended period of time apart from screens.
The fourth consequence is their interaction with each other and other children. With all the time spent together, they know each other really well. Yes, they argue, as a part of normal human relationships, exploring negative feelings or testing the strength of their bond, and I am fine with that. They also practice alternative ways to relating to each other: breathing exercises picked up at school, hitting and biting as at preschool, using more formal expressions as heard from parents. Some work, some don’t. After all of this though, they are very confident relating to people and their reactions are sometimes misinterpreted based on the reactions of technology-adjusted children. This sometimes requires my intervention, assuring other adults, that the argument is OK or they will comfort each other after a minor injury, adult attention is not actually needed.
The fifth consequence I see is the use of language. With screen-time focus becomes stronger but attention span becomes shorter as the fast pace of digital life stimulates the brain. So with no screen, my children are attentive for longer periods of time, we use longer sentences, explanations, chains of thoughts than some of their peers. I see them struggle explain something to their friends when the content of the conversation needs to be put in a length of a tweet instead of a series of ideas as at home. At the same time technology-using children show unlikely and patchy knowledge in some isolated subjects, that is sometimes useful (reading and maths) at other times less functional (certain games etc.).
The sixth consequence is a little bit similar to passive or second-hand smoking. In a wee young community where kids are used to using technology from a very early age, non-screen kids are required to adjust to their reactions. The previously mentioned language variations are just one aspect of the shorter attention span, less sensory awareness, more need of active entertainment, less controlled emotions and more scarce physical activity. Even my toddlers find it hard to adjust to the home environment from preschool (though admittedly there are other factors to this).
What am I trying to say? I am trying to say that coming off screens is not simply making the kid go out and play. It is not simply putting the iPad away. It is hard enough in itself, but once it’s done, the world will have to be faced with these unusual values. It takes a long spiritual and social journey to find your place in the world as a screen-free family.