I had an interrupted conversation with the better half of a Mensan and I’ve been wanting to say this to you ever since.
You shared with me you had no children and never wanted any, while you saw my four kids. You were open, sharing and straightforward and trusted that this okay for both of us. Thank you.
I want to say this to all girls, who are solitaire girls, lives intact in themselves and shining through a unique and self-contained prism. I admire your courage and I can see that your life is beautiful. I praise your faith in yourselves and the purity of the insides of your bodies and souls.
I have this gift in my life, that I didn’t choose. I feel an inhuman, merciless, external urge, mindless motivation to have children. This is against my better interest and my judgement is disregarded. My body and my soul is torn apart in living through my life lead by this gift. My personality changes as the (hormonal) wind blows first with pregnancy then through labour, birth and motherhood. My ideas about myself are bombarded to flat earth and built up on different grounds again to be flattened to nothing once more. Whereas I enjoy my choices and the company of my children, I have no idea who “I” is anymore. My body has lost any resemblance to what I thought it looked like, I am at total loss what size and shape fits me today and have no way to guess what will work tomorrow… My appearance is a subject to chance and my physical comfort is impossible to grant whatever outfit I choose. My body is not loyal to me and I struggle to be loyal to it. Motherhood brought illnesses and damage, mental and physical and left me deal with it as best as I can while demanding all my efforts to be spent on the children. This is what this urge is doing to women who have no capability to be solitaire.
Whereas, as I imagine, you untroubled by fantastic motivations to a mindless commitment, have a chance to regulate your body to help express your skills, beauty, needs and intentions. I imagine your integrity gives you a solid base on the face of earth, and even if heavens shake, you stay yourself. You can make choices that stand by you and you’ll remember your reasons decades later. Changes are due to time and you, may they be painful or simply wrong, they are leaving you to be who you are. You are left with an immense amount of resources strong woman as you are to turn into results in whatever you choose to achieve. You can seek happiness, faith and loyalty wherever you choose to look. I understand this and I know you are right. Your life is wonderful.
So is mine.
Thank you for your respect fellow beautiful woman.